he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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