I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
so much tequila, so little girl.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
