Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
