Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
