You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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