We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
