yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
