I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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