He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
