So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You are a booty call, not a friend.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
