grandma shit on top of the toilet
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
