The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
