wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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