First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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