butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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