we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
