I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
