fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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