The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
