My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
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