Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
