you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
