the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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