No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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