I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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