HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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