I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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