She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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