There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
