so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
