im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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