My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
