Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Randomize
