um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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