i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
