ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
