The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
