Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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