I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
