I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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