so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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