So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
