Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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