Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
