you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
