I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
