Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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