When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
