How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
