things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
