i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
